Because you like DEATH in Discworld

Selfishly taking her father’s place to fight in the Imperial Army, Hua Mulan risks treason if they find out she isn’t who she says she is. See them in Mulan.

John Bender's interests include marijuana, fighting, and breaking the rules. See them in The Breakfast Club.

Bobby Singer is a redneck ghost hunter, but all he wants to do is retire to the junk yards of South Dakota. See them in Supernatural.

Olive Hoover is an irrepressible child beauty queen (or would-be queen) who doesn't play by your rules. See them in Little Miss Sunshine.

Anger-filled, merciless, and tortured, Kylo Ren is always at war—with the Rebel Alliance, and with himself. See them in Star Wars Series.

A crabby troll, Karkat Vantas is perpetually angry about his lot in life. See them in Homestuck.

Ron Burgundy is a news anchor who signs off with "Stay classy, San Diego" or whatever his teleprompter says. Bonus: he plays the jazz flute. See them in Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy.

Juno MacGuff is hoping sarcasm will get her through the stress of teenage life. And also, teenage pregnancy. See them in Juno.

Kyle Broflovski is an motional fourth-grader who plays Guitar Hero, speaks Pig Latin, and fights with his "Fat Ass" friend Cartman. See them in South Park.

What Mako Mankanshoku lacks in common sense, she makes up for in sheer optimism and force of personality. See them in Kill la Kill.

Sam Montgomery works hard, but her evil stepmother makes sure her efforts don't pay off. See them in A Cinderella Story.

Nick Carraway is the perfect observer: always there for the events, but never too involved. See them in The Great Gatsby.