Patsy Stone

Grew Up… with the name of Eurydice Colette Clytemnestra Dido Bathsheba Rabelais Patricia Cocteau Stone. She was born on the 30^th of October in an undisclosed year (though she often claims to be between 39 and 42, this is almost certainly not the case). Patsy has somehow managed to become marvellously sophisticated without ever doing much personal growth—which she probably considers a form of aging.

Living… in a house in London by herself. She often pops by the home of her good friend Edina (aka Eddy) for a coffee or, more likely, a drink, and to bother Eddy’s teenage daughter, Saffron. Patsy writes off Saffie as having no taste whatsoever, and Saffie returns the ill feelings for Patsy being such a bad influence on the easily influenced Eddy.

Profession… fashion director at a magazine, for which she does almost no work. She has few delusions about the limited nature of her role. When magazine staffers call to ask for some decisions on the next issue’s cover, Patsy replies, “Whatever can they need to know? I mean, it’s the same every month: a model in make-up with a vacant look on her face.”

Interests… fashion, cigarettes, and booze. Patsy enjoys going to events, drinking, and going on holiday. She has a new boyfriend—usually half her age—each week, and she refers to the time she gave up drinking as the worst eight hours of her life. As she once said, “The last mosquito that bit me had to check into the Betty Ford clinic.”

Relationship Status… enjoying not being tied down. Patsy is too marvellous to stay with a single partner for more than a week or so at a time. She takes pregnancy tests regularly, often prompting her to demand something to wee in.

Challenge… becoming more relaxed, which was her latest new year's resolution. Though on a deeper level, her true challenge might be to remain fabulous. Or stop being dreadful.

Personality… blunt, accurate, and overly forthcoming; in her mind, a realist. This makes Patsy an excellent source of unvarnished advice. When Eddy asks what she looks like in her latest hideous outfit, Patsy doesn’t blink before telling her she’s a “giant orange potato.” Patsy is (relatively) chic and stylish, an excellent confidante and partner in crime for Eddy. And the fact that Patsy is kind of a terrible person makes her an even better fit; these two truly deserve each other.