Milhouse Van Houten

Living… in Springfield, under the rule of playground tyrants. School bullies push Milhouse around like any other nerd at Springfield Elementary. He gets the short end of the stick day in and day out – probably because of his extremely thick glasses and meek personality. Even his friendship with class bad-boy Bart Simpson doesn’t save Milhouse from victimization. In fact, Bart often gets Milhouse into tough situations in which they both receive a dangerous beating, though Milhouse usually gets the worst of it.

Profession… Milhouse is still in elementary school. But when he grows up he will probably become something like an accountant or a yes-man to higher powers.

Interests… Lisa Simpson. Everyone – including Lisa – knows that Milhouse has eternally been in love with his best friend’s sister. And although Lisa does not return his affections, Milhouse is never dismayed enough to stop coming back. He’ll probably continue to love her until the day her dies, or at least until he’s 10. Milhouse is also interested in Bart’s soul, which he buys for five dollars.

Relationship Status… single. And at this rate,Milhouse will probably be single for the rest of his life. Lisa will likely never come around, and he even blew his one chance with the daughter of action star Rainier Wolfcastle. When it comes to girls, Milhouse knows about as much as he does about fighting off bullies. Though in fairness, the same could be said for most fourth-graders.

Challenge… not being overshadowed by Bart. Milhouse competes with Bart in many arenas, but he usually gets beaten out by his cool companion. If they keep competing, Milhouse is bound to reign supreme one of these days. Isn’t he?

Personality… nerdy second banana, but loyal. Though Milhouse is the target of many bullies, he can also be quite selfish and harsh when it comes to his close friends. When he bought Bart’s soul and Bart wanted it back, Milhouse gave noted bad-boy Bart a run for his money and became a fierce antagonist to his closest friend. Hopefully Milhouse will grow out of some of his more negative traits, as many kids do. In the end, though, Milhouse is a loyal companion, following Bart to even the most dangerous ends, just for the adventure.