Linda Zwordling

Grew up… in Wisconsin working in a “cheese mine.” Little is known about this time in Linda’s life, but she does note that she can never go back, not after she made “that big speech, threw down [her] cheese shovel, and walked out.”

Living… in an unnamed major city where Veridian Dynamics is headquartered.

Profession… head of product testing at Veridian Dynamics. Linda’s job is to determine which of Veridian’s products are liable to sell well (very few of them) and which of their products are likely to cause death and destruction (most of them). Of all the employees at Veridian Dynamics, Linda is the most conscious of the company’s moral depravity, and is constantly objecting to the dehumanizing policies of the company. She steals coffee creamer and commits other minor acts of vandalism as a way of striking back at the company.

Interests… she dreams of authoring a children’s book, and is one of the few employees that is not excited by the prospect of climbing the ranks of Veridian Industries.

Relationship status… single, but dating around. Linda floats in and out of relationships, but feels a constant mutual attraction with her superior, Ted Crisp. Their status as coworkers gets in the way of this relationship, prompting Linda to wonder “what kind of an idiot has an affair with their boss?” However, despite her insistence that such a relationship would be unprofessional, she is clearly frustrated by Ted’s refusal to acknowledge their chemistry.

Challenge… dealing with her hatred for her job. Often the sole voice of reason in a company staffed with unscrupulous go-getters, Linda dreams of the day when Veridian will make a “product that isn’t eventually used to kill someone.”

Personality… frank and honest. Linda is never afraid to speak her mind. This trait is particularly remarkable because most of Veridian’s employees are resigned to the fact that the company views them – and everyone else in the world – as expendable. Linda is always the first to cast doubt on Veridian’s insane and inhumane projects, and acts as the most reliable moral compass in the R&D division. She is able to get away with this in large part because she couches her disagreement in dry sarcasm, a form of humor that is nigh-impenetrable to the exceedingly literal Veronica Palmer.