Evan

Living… the typical high school nightmare. Evan has been mostly a geeky afterthought, seemingly invisible to the fairer sex. At least he’ll make it into the yearbook superlatives for his and Seth’s bromance, which is well known even among the school’s “in” crowd. Evan and Seth have been BFFs forever and they are inseparable. They carpool together, they eat lunch together, they are like two peas in a not-especially-hip pod.

Profession… high school senior. Evan got accepted to Dartmouth, where he’ll room with Seth’s frenemy Fogell. Evan hasn’t figured out how to break the news to Seth, who will be attending the local state school.

Interests… killing terrorists in video games and the Canadian rock band The Guess Who. He’s not much of an athlete, though he is surprisingly fast.

Relationship Status… newly eligible bachelor, he hopes. Evan has had minimal luck with the ladies thus far in high school. But he currently has a crush on a cute girl named Becca, with whom he has a solid rapport. One day in class he lent her a pen and then she caught him staring at her cleavage. She actually seems to like Evan, which might just make things more terrifying.

Challenge… losing his virginity before he goes to college through the age-old aid of alcohol. Evan is inexperienced in the art of love, and he wants to be ready to impress the ladies at Dartmouth. A couple weeks before he is set to graduate, an opportunity arises: Seth is charged with the responsibility of providing booze for a party, thus dramatically increasing his and Evan’s potential social standing. But they believe that’s only if they can get the booze, including Becca’s precious Goldslick vodka. Thus begins an epic journey starting with Fogell’s horrific fake I.D. as a 25-year-old Hawaiian known only as “McLovin.”

Personality… intelligent, awkward, sweet-hearted, and a bit ineffectual. Or as they say in Latin, a dorkus malorkus. Evan is the type of kid that grandmas just adore. He actually has some pretty clever one-liners around Seth and Fogell, but when placed in a one-on-one situation with a female, any semblance of cleverness or roguishness goes straight out the window. Then again, Evan seems like the kind of guy who will blossom in college and be so successful by the time he goes to high school reunions that nobody will remember he was mostly a dork back then.