Virgil Starkwell

Grew Up… without much supervision. Both of Virgil’s parents worked full time, leaving their son to fend for himself in their New Jersey slum neighborhood. The “small and frail” Virgil was subject to abuse and alienation by his peers.

Living… on the run from the law. Virgil’s life of crime began when he was just a kid and tried to rob a gumball machine. Unfortunately, he never got the loot – his hand got wedged in the slot as he was trying to grab the gumballs. Since then, he has had many other unsuccessful robberies, being charged with “assault, armed robbery, and illegal possession of a wart.”

Profession… thief. It seems that stealing was the only way that Virgil could make a living for himself. After trying and failing to become a pool hustler and after being rejected from the U.S. Navy, Virgil focused on crime. But he’s not very good at being a criminal; his clumsiness often gets in the way.

Interests… playing his cello. He received the instrument as a gift and stole money to pay for lessons, though he did not possess a modicum of talent. His old music teacher says that he “had no conception of the instrument – he was blowing into it.” 

Relationship Status… in love with a laundress named Louise. In order to ingratiate himself to the beautiful woman, Virgil lied through his teeth about his background and career, claiming to be a cellist for the New York Philharmonic: “She asked me some questions about Mozart and she got suspicious because for a minute I couldn’t place the name.”

Challenge… successfully robbing a bank. Virgil has been busted more than once, and keeps finding himself behind bars. After a series of harrowing escapes, he’s always back on the streets, trying to get that big score.

Personality… bumbling, dishonest, eccentric, and clumsy. Virgil is not a good thief. But he is good at something else – making you laugh. He doesn't take himself too seriously and jokes about his insecurities and ineptness.