The Janitor

Grew up… to become an odd, antisocial man. Janitor (nobody seems to know his real name) reveals things about his childhood all the time, but the hospital staff has realized that none of his stories are true. He’s full of absurd, conflicting tales from his mysterious past.

Living… alone. Janitor will admit that he has trouble making friends. As he put it, “I’ve been moping around my apartment making barking sounds. I’m not crazy, I just need some human interaction and the barking makes neighbors yell ‘shut the damn thing up.’ Then I can go over there with a bottle of scotch and apologize for Rusty, my imaginary echidna.”

Profession… janitor at Sacred Heart Hospital. A man who will avoid doing his job at any cost, the Janitor devotes most of his day to annoying and distracting the other employees of Sacred Heart. Janitor is especially focused on tormenting the new intern, J.D. He once told the frightened young intern, “I only got about an hour and a half worth of work around here, and the rest of the time I track you… like an animal.” 

Interests… telling lies and harassing the hospital staff with his weird stories and odd behavior. Janitor seems to take sadistic pleasure in his antics.

Relationship Status... good question. He’s mentioned a wife – calling her variously “Janitor Wife” and his “imaginary wife” – and even a girlfriend, supposedly named Lady. But nobody can tell when Janitor might be telling the truth. Probably never.

Challenge… keeping the hospital clean. Janitor hates having to actually do his job, and is infuriated when he catches someone making a mess.

Personality… bizarre. Janitor never reveals his true self. Instead, he hides behind a veil of lies and riddles. He claims to see himself as a kind of victim, but we're not even sure of what. All we know is that he seems to be very, very unhappy.