Osbourne Cox

Grew Up… in the intelligence community. Osborne Cox has spent almost his entire life with the CIA – a surprising level of devotion considering he thinks he’s smarter than just about everyone else at the agency.

Living… in a Washington D.C. townhouse with his wife, Katie Cox. Osborne spends most of his time at the bottom of a bottle. He’s been accused of having a drinking problem.

Profession… former CIA analyst, Cox has just been handed a severe demotion due to his alcohol consumption. Rather than face the ignominy of a lower security clearance, he’s decided to resign. He denies that his drinking had anything to do with his fall from professional grace: “Whose ass didn’t I kiss?” he asks his former boss. “This is a crucifixion, this is political!”

Interests… his memoirs. Since leaving the agency, Cox has dedicated his time to writing a tell-all memoir about his time at the CIA. It’s honestly not going that great, but at least Osborne gets to drink while he works on it.

Relationship Status… in an unhappy marriage. Cox’s wife, Katie, is planning to divorce him and take everything – a fact that would be of great value to the oblivious Osborne. Katie hasn’t wasted any time in their stagnant marriage, and has begun an affair with Harry Pfarrer. She can’t stand to be around the angry, volatile and constantly sauced Osborne.

Challenge… recovering his stolen memoirs from a “league of morons” who are trying to blackmail him. “Some clown, or two clowns, have gotten hold of my memoirs,” and are demanding $50,000 as a reward. The two Hardbodies Gym empolyees think that they’ve stumbled on to top-secret “classified” information—when in fact the “files” are merely the drunken ramblings of an unhappy man. Still, Osborne is dedicated to getting his files back, a task that will prove to be significantly harder than anyone would have thought.

Personality… bellicose, angry, and deeply cynical. After years of slaving away at a cold and bureaucratic job, Cox has learned that he only finds solace in the liquid embrace of hard alcohol. He sees himself as a solitary sage in a land of idiots, although in truth he has more in common with the “league of morons” than he would like to admit.