Neil Sutherland

Living… out in the commuter belt of London. Neil is in his last year at Rudge Park Comprehensive. He spends almost of all his time during after school hanging out with his best friends Jay, Simon, and Will. Their primary topic of discussion is sex, specifically parsing out strategies for their eternal quest.

Profession… mascot at Thorpe Park, a theme park in Surrey. He has also worked in the deli at ASDA, a grocery store. Neil is the only one of his friends to have a job. Neil hopes to one day become a pilot, or as he puts it, an “airplane driver.”

Interests… video games, urinating sitting down "as a treat,” and dancing. Neil is a surprisingly apt dancer and can often be found showcasing his trademark move, The Robot. He is able to entertain himself at any party or social function by dancing solo for hours.

Relationship Status… mostly single. Among his friends, Neil has had by far the most success courting the opposite sex. His tall stature, big smile, unassuming disposition, and smooth dance moves have proven to be a half-decent formula for getting one-night stands. However there is some unrequited love for Neil: Miss Timbs, the saucy biology teacher at Rudge Park.

Challenge… his friends. Simon, Will, and Jay keep making fun of Neil’s dad for being gay. This irritates Neil. Neil’s dad denies being gay; he is a single, divorced father of two who goes out one night a week, on Wednesday, to play badminton.

Personality… dopey, outgoing, and carefree. Like a golden retriever, he lives in ignorant bliss. He is extremely gullible and is the only person who believes Jay’s wild tales of sexual conquest. He regularly consults Jay for sexual advice, despite being infinitely more experienced than him. Neil subscribes to what some would call the Bobby McFerrin school of thought. He explains: “You only get one go round I reckon, when you're dead you're dead, so you can spend your time thinking about how things haven't gone perfect, or you can just get on with it, have a laugh and that. That's what I do, I'm pretty happy.”