Lois Griffin

Grew up… in the wealthy Pewterschmidt family. Though Lois was raised to be a WASP, she’s certainly got a wild side to her. She’s left behind all of her old vices now that she’s got a family to look after. That means no more gambling, meth or compulsive stealing. Except for the occasional relapse.

Living… in quaint Quahog, R.I. Lois has the perfect all-American family, if the “perfect family” includes a disturbed teenage daughter (Meg), a doltish teen son (Chris), a sociopathic infant (Stewie), and a fat, drunk, stupid husband (Peter) who constantly misbehaves. Oh, and she also lives with a talking dog named Brian, but he’s actually pretty normal.

Profession… full-time mother, part-time piano teacher. Lois is dedicated to her children. “I’m like one of those bald eagles on the Discovery Channel,” she says. “Beautiful to look at, but mess with one of my baby chicks and I’ll use my razor-sharp talons to rip your eyes out.”

Interests… the piano. Lois teaches the instrument to the children of Quahog. Apparently it’s the only high art that’s allowed in the Griffin household. “Peter,” she tries to convince her husband, “a little culture is good for this family!”

Relationship Status… married to a Neanderthal. Lois often has to act as the voice of reason for the rest of her family. It’s a shame she gave up her lesbian lifestyle years ago: “Women are such teases. That’s why I went back to men.”

Challenge… staying sane while living with her insane family. Between her murderous young infant, dense husband, brainless older son, and mannish daughter, the only rational people in the Griffin household are Lois and the talking dog, Brian.

Personality… sweet and motherly. Lois is, in many ways, a great mom, though you wouldn’t know it if you heard her old nickname: “Loose Lois.” She definitely has a few skeletons in her closet, but that still qualifies her as pretty normal in a household in which her son has a demented monkey actually living in his closet.