Kelly Ernswiler
Photo Credit: Everett Collection

Kelly Ernswiler

The Battle of Shaker Heights

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About Him

Living… in Ohio. His house isn't technically in Shaker Heights, but he goes to Shaker Heights High. His mother is an artist, and his father is a reformed drug addict and now counsels others with addictions.

Profession… stock boy at the Shop Rite. But, as President Don Kaminsky says, every employee is part owner. So you could say he’s a captain-of-industry in training. “Kind of capitalist larvae,” is how he describes it.

Interests… taking part in reenactments of World War II battles– living, dying, camaraderie, bravery– the big stuff. In one of his recent reenactments, he got separated from his platoon and lived for two weeks in the forest of the Ardennes living off what he could kill.

Relationship Status… single. His crush Tabby is getting married soon to a successful businessman named Lance. Kelly only wants her to be happy, even if it’s with someone else. But he thinks she can do better.

Challenge… getting over his resentment towards his family. He knows he’ll be able to put it all behind him when he goes away to college. Only he can't go because his father spent his college fund on Mexican Black Tar. Looks like he’ll have to try to forget– at Shop Rite, where he’ll be working for the rest of his life.

Personality… eccentric, to say the least. But Kelly’s not too excited about settling on one personality just yet. As he says, “Being yourself sounds boring.”

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