Judge Elihu Smails

Living… fighting the good fight in preserving the WASP tradition. (That's the way he'd see it, anyway.) Judge Smails is the co-founder and president of Bushwood Country Club and a loyal member at the Rolling Lakes Yacht Club. His vehicle: a Rolls Royce Silver Shadow. 

Profession… judge. ”I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber,” he tells his young caddy, Danny Noonan. “Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.” At this stage in his life, Judge Smails’ full-time job might as well be golf. There are few things he enjoys more than playing 18 holes, except maybe playing 36. Rain or shine, you can find him out there on the links, quite possibly with his chum Dr. Beeper. Judge Smails is not the worst golfer, though he often cheats by improving his lie or marking down the "wrong" score. He has an abnormally intricate pre-shot routine and relies heavily on his trusty putter, Billy Baroo.

Relationship Status... married, with love, to Mrs. Smails. 

Interests… dancing with Mrs. Smails to swing music in the Bushwood ballroom; a nice cool Fresca at the turn.

Challenge… battling the crass, hedonistic real estate tycoon Al Czervik for all that is holy. While Czervik strikes most as a ton of fun, his new money ways and lack of propriety stick in the Judge's craw. Al rolls into Bushwood and immediately sets to tarnishing all that is sacred to Judge Smails – his wife, his boat (The Flying WASP), and the game of golf. Judge Smails sees himself as a force of good against the evil Czervik; to rid Bushwood Country Club of Czervick would be nothing less than a successful exorcism. Of course, the Judge may well be deluded.

Personality… arrogant, pompous, short-fused. Judge Smails regularly demonstrates his inability to manage his anger by throwing his clubs and berating anyone that rubs him the wrong way, which happens to be most people. Though he fancies Bushwood as a bastion of rectitude in a sea of moral depravity, his vision rarely aligns with reality. And so he is probably doomed to live out the rest of his years in a perpetually peeved state.