Frank Ricard

Living… with his new wife Marissa. But Frank spends much of his time at the frat that he and his college buddies Beanie Campbell and Mitch Martin founded out of Mitch’s new house near Harrison University. At first Frank was hesitant to party, since Marissa doesn’t care for the hard-drinking persona he cultivated as a younger guy, “Frank The Tank.” But once Frank succumbs to a request that he chug beer out of a funnel, all bets are off. Soon Frank is naked and wasted, interrupting Snoop Dogg’s set (“Come on Snoop! Snoop-a-loop!”) to announce to the crowd, “We’re going streaking! Through the quad and into the gymnasium!” It’s not a pretty sight.

Profession… unclear. However, his position in the frat allows him to prove himself a man of many talents, particularly in the realms of drinking, tumbling, rhythmic gymnastics, singing, and debate.

Interests… the Olive Garden, Home Depot, Whitesnake, beer bongs, maintaining his red Pontiac Firebird, refereeing K-Y jelly wrestling matches, and giving bad hugs.

Relationship Status… married, but with second thoughts. In the marriage counselor’s office, Frank expounds on his cognitive dissonance to Marissa: “I guess what I’m trying to say is, now that I’m married, I’m definitely feeling a little freaked out about the fact that I’m going to have sex with only one person for the rest of my life.” And if anything, Marissa is even more unhappy than Frank.

Challenge… maintaining a delicate balance between newly married life and frat life. Frank cares for Marissa, and he doesn’t want to embarrass her with spontaneous appearances from his drunken alter ego. As she puts it, “You’ve come a long way since Frank the Tank, and we don’t want him coming back, do we?” But perhaps Frank the Tank, 10 beers deep, is trying to tell us something – that he is no aberration; that he is Frank Ricard’s truest expression of self, trying to get out. Or maybe Frank just likes to get wasted. It could go either way.

Personality… eager to please. Frank has a sincere, straightforward style and is extremely susceptible to peer pressure, a combination that repeatedly puts him in dignity-robbing situations. But he cares deeply for his friends and will do anything he can to help them out, which helps redeem him. Still, it would probably be best for everyone if he just kept his clothes on in public.