Elaine Vassal

Grew up... fast. As a young girl, she sold kisses for nickels so that she could buy a bell for her bicycle. She has been boy crazy ever since.

Living… in Boston. She has put off getting a place of her own. To her, buying a house is something that two people do. The idea that single people are allowed to buy a house is odd to her.

Profession… Ally McBeal’s assistant at Cage & Fish law firm. Elaine alternately trash-talks and kisses up to Ally in her attempts to get ahead. She frequently finds herself having to indulge Ally’s whims and insecurities, convincing her boss of her sexiness, desirability, and talent. Although there are always power dynamics at play between Elaine and her boss, Ally is lucky to have her. Elaine can research better than almost anyone for legal cases. And her research of office politics is even better. With her surveillance techniques (including using CIA equipment), she keeps Ally abreast of all of the office gossip. And at the politically incorrect firm of Cage & Fish, there is always a lot to report. 

Interests... inventing. Elaine often has a new random side project in the works in hopes of striking it rich and leaving the firm. She is planning informercials for her latest invention is the wrinkle-erasing Face Bra. And if that doesn't work, she has big plans for a sperm-preserving Cool Cup, an automatic toilet seat warmer, and the man-replacing Husband CD.

Relationship Status... single and looking for love. Elaine was in a long-term abusive relationship with Mark, although she was almost exclusively the one who doled out the abuse. She was an expert at finding ways of emasculating him with a quip or threat. In the end, she ended the relationship after revealing she’d been cheating. After that, she immediately began her search for her next victim. Elaine is unapologetic about her dating habits. As she says, "It goes with who I am, 1-800-ELAINE."

Challenge… herself. Elaine can be her own worst enemy. She has a habit of self-sabotaging and pushing people to their limits, then complaining about being alone.

Personality… outrageous, free-spirited, and gossipy yet also dependable and well-intentioned. Elaine lives for the spotlight and does whatever it takes to call attention to herself – whether it involves smoking cigars or wearing what she admits is "moderately slutty" outfits. But when it really counts, she is one of the most dependable friends you can ever have. Just ask Ally McBeal.