Living… in Slough, England. Slough doesn’t have the best reputation, thanks in part to the famous poem by Sir John Betjemen, which reads in part, “Come friendly bombs and fall on Slough, it isn’t fit for humans now.” David considers Betjemen and his embarrassing poem “overrated” and questions whether the poet’s ever even been to Slough. Maybe Slough’s not fancy, but it’s home.
Profession… General Manager of the Slough branch of the Wernham Hogg Paper Company. Yes, David’s the boss, and he’s convinced that he’s a terrific one. He’s also not afraid to take advantage of the perks of management: “Because I am my own boss... I can wake up one morning and go 'Ooh, I don't feel like working today, can I just stay in bed?' 'Ooh, don't know, better ask the boss.' 'David, can I stay in bed all day?' 'Yes you can, David.' Both me, that's not me in bed with another bloke called David.”
Interests… comedy, rooting for football team Reading F.C., writing poetry, composing and playing music, dancing, dating. But especially comedy.
Relationship Status… let David tell it, “Status: None of your business. Young, free, and single, though. Thanks for asking.”
Challenge… gaining the loyalty of his new employees through the merger and keeping corporate suits like Jennifer Taylor-Clarke off his back. Sometimes David simply can’t understand why his unique managerial style isn’t more appreciated. Some employees actually get upset at his brilliant witticisms, finding them racist or sexist or mean-spirited or simply not very funny. Then again, few true geniuses are fully appreciated during their lifetime.
Personality… rock star. Or so he believes. Unfortunately David is actually that most dangerous combination of traits: both clueless and arrogant. He takes pride in not being the typical boss, instead describing himself as a “chilled-out entertainer.” David knows there’s more to life than paper. There’s also comedy. David wants to be both the boss and the clown. He wants power and fame – power from his work, fame for his talent. Good luck with that, chappie.
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