Grew Up… with his best friends, Wayne and J.D. The three troublemakers have known each other since the fifth grade, and have so far shared their lives together. They’ve spent years downing beers and listening to Neil Diamond (their favorite musician) together.
Living… with his girlfriend, Judith. The once-lonely Darren has managed to score what his friend describes as “the queen of all hotties.” Unfortunately, Judith is turning out to be more trouble than she’s worth — especially seeing as how, six weeks into the relationship, they’ve yet to have sex.
Profession… social director at a retirement home. Darren’s sweet, caring personality has led him to his career taking care of old folks, but the job mostly consists of reading bingo results.
Interests… playing in his Neil Diamond cover band, “Diamonds in the Rough,” with J.D. and Wayne – at least until he met Judith. Not long into their relationship, Judith bans Darren from seeing his two best friends. She even threatens to take away his “masturbation privileges” if he hangs out with them.
Relationship Status… trapped in a toxic relationship with the ultimate she-devil. The gullible Darren seems to think Judith’s controlling nature is normal. Not even his best friends can convince him that she’s up to no good. He has to keep his hangout sessions with Wayne and J.D. a secret. As he tells them: “I don’t have much time, guys. I have to go home and wax Judith’s legs.”
Challenge… extricating himself from Judith’s control and getting back with his high school crush. The latter would be Sandy Perkus, whom he once described as “the only girl [he] ever loved.” Little does Darren know that his best friends have concocted a scheme to reunite him with Sandy. Darren just has to be strong enough to break out of the spell Judith has him under.
Personality… innocent, submissive, and kind. Darren doesn’t understand that Judith sees him as a slave rather than a boyfriend. His trusting and credulous nature has turned him into, in Judith’s words, a “puppet.” Luckily, he has J.D. and Wayne to help him find true love, albeit in a roundabout and potentially criminal way.
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