Cosmo Kramer

Grew up... details are very sketchy. Here’s what we can tell you: Kramer has long been estranged from his mother “Babs” Kramer, we don’t know anything about his father, he grew up in a strict household where he had to be in bed at 9 p.m. every night, he never finished high school and he ran away at age 17. That’s it. At this point, nobody even knows his first name. 

Living... in a Manhattan apartment across the hall from his good friend Jerry Seinfeld, though he probably spends more time in Jerry’s place than his own. Everything’s better at Jerry’s apartment, from the food to the stereo to the sports equipment.  

Profession... ha! Kramer almost never has a real job, yet mysteriously he doesn’t seem to lack for money. This might be because of a shadowy inheritance, or because some of his harebrained get-rich-quick schemes actually pay off. Like his coffee table book on coffee tables that he managed to sell to a legitimate publisher, or the $18,000 he won betting on a single horse race, or creating a cologne that smells like the beach to lead to a modeling job for Calvin Klein. 

Interests... smoking cigars, gambling, and making a big entrance. 

Relationship Status... single and actively dating. While his vintage wardrobe and piled-high hair lead some to call him a “hipster doofus,” he rarely lacks female companionship. That might be because he has what the Latvians call “kavorka,” or “the lure of the animal.” Or because he boasts, in his own words, “the body of a taut, preteen Swedish boy.” 

Challenge... self-discipline. Kramer does what he wants to do, when he wants to do it. As Freud might put it, he’s all id. But given that it’s typically worked out for him so far, he’s unlikely to change. In fact his jealous friend George once said people should pay $2,000 for the right to live like Kramer for a week, like at a fantasy camp: “Do nothing, fall ass-backwards into money, mooch food off your neighbor and have sex without dating. That’s a fantasy camp.”

Personality... big-hearted, optimistic, and quirky. Few would do more for their friends than the ever-loyal Kramer, but on the other hand few are more likely to get their friends enmeshed in some ill-fated scheme. Still, things are just more interesting when Kramer is around.