Chazz Michaels

Grew Up… in the “hellfires of Motown.” Michaels was a precocious child. At age 9, he dated a 35-year old woman and ran a racket in cigarettes and illegal fireworks. He left that life behind at age 12 to become a star in Detroit’s legendary sewer-skating scene.

Living… sex, drugs, and rock and roll! But he hasn’t been having nearly as much fun lately. At his peak, Michaels didn’t allow his degenerate lifestyle to interfere with his figure skating career, winning four national championships, 18 medals, and the Kristi Yamaguchi Lifetime Achievement Award. He even found time to publish a book of poems called “Let Me Put My Poems Into You” and star in an adult film. But he was banned from singles competition for life by the National Figure Skating Association after he fought a rival skater, the cherubic Jimmy MacElroy, atop the podium at the World Winter Games. It was like taking a triple salchow right to the solar plexus.

Profession… figure skater. But since his ban, he can only find work as the evil wizard in the travelling children’s production Grublets on Ice. He usually drinks before shows. On one occasion he surprises the audience with an impromptu sermon: “I am nothing but a human onion. In fact, we all are.” It was not well-received.

Interests… taking quaaludes, his whalebone hairbrush, leather working, the Black Eyed Peas.

Relationship Status… very single. He's with a different woman every night. Woman find him irresistible, as far as he can tell anyway, but he can never fully satisfy his thirst. In his words, “I’m a sex addict. It’s my cross to bear.” He unsuccessfully tries to seduce Nancy Kerrigan, although in the past he has bedded Oksana Baiul and Michelle Kwan.

Challenge… trying to win the pairs title at the World Winter Games with his one-time rival, Jimmy MacElroy. The two discovered a loophole around their ban, but they must compete together. That’s not a great fit for Michaels’ massive ego, and he and Jimmy, a childlike innocent, are definitely a mismatched pair. But if Michaels wants to regain any semblance of his former glory, he’ll have to suck it up and be part of a team.

Personality… cocky. He sometimes projects an aloof air, as if he doesn't really care about figure skating, as if it’s just a way to get women. But when Michaels wants to, he can be force of nature: “I’ve won a lot of radio contests because I refused to get off the line!” His narcissism is a double-edged sword, producing both arrogance and great determination. The question is, can he learn to think about someone besides himself?