Charlie Harper

Living... a never-ending bachelor party in Malibu. That means waking up at noon with a nasty hangover and letting his housekeeper Berta take care of the mess. His mooching brother Alan and Alan’s son Jake just moved in – and show no signs of leaving any time soon – but Charlie doesn’t plan on changing his lifestyle.

Profession... commercial jingle writer. It might be the only occupation with the pay and hours to accommodate his debauched bachelor lifestyle. He screws around for a few hours on the piano, bangs out a quick jingle, and it pays for a new renovation on his beachside estate. 

Interests… cigars, booze, and women. He’s into anything that gives him a buzz and distracts him from his feelings. If he can do it at a strip club, so much the better. He has little interest in anything young Jake wants to do. On Disneyland: “I’m not thrilled about one rodent in my house. Why would I drive 50 miles to see their kingdom?” He might be even less interested in what his brother Alan wants to do.

Relationship Status... single, but never alone. The only thing Charlie likes more than a one-night stand is a half-night stand – that way he can fit in another girl or two before the night’s over. After one such night he says, “I had sex and woke up alone. If there were a plate of pancakes on my nightstand it would have been the perfect morning!”

Challenge... dealing with the sudden intrusion of Alan and Jake. A straight-laced, nebbishy chiropractor (his brother Alan) and an elementary school-aged boy (Jake) don’t exactly make great poker buddies. And Charlie has no interest in acting as a second father figure to Jake, telling the nine year-old boy, “You’re a kid. What you want doesn’t matter.” But Alan is broke after his ex-wife Judith divorced him and saddled him with alimony, so Charlie may not get his place back to himself for a long while.    

Personality... selfish, arrogant, pleasure-seeking, womanizing, and sarcastic. Charlie lives in a bubble of gambling and drinking, so the day-to-day worries of Alan (especially) and Jake confound him. He’s spent his adult life chasing women and burning through his bottomless bank account, which left him little time to learn about doing laundry or helping others. Both are equally boring to Charlie. Fortunately he’s also funny and can be quite charming when he wants to be, which means he can always find someone to keep the party going with. The question is, will a day come when Charlie wants to do more than party? The early signs are “no.”