Bob Kelso

Grew up… in Pennsylvania. Kelso attributes his irrational fear of bicycles to the fact that his father ran away from the family using the young Bob’s new bike. Life was always difficult for Bob, who grew up to be a Navy SEAL before he became a doctor.

Living… at the end of his career. Bob, at his advanced age, is less of an idealist than he used to be. For Bob, the only thing that matters is the hospital’s bottom line, not the well-being of the uninsured patients.

Profession… Chief of Medicine at Sacred Heart hospital. Kelso oversees the young interns that come to the hospital, which is a difficult job for a man who lacks both patience and empathy. As he once said, “My body can’t produce tears anymore because I’ve intentionally dehydrated myself. It’s a risky move, I know, but Dr. Jarvis here said it’d be alright.”

Interests… prostitutes. Bob likes to relieve his job-related stress by retreating to his secret “love nest.”

Relationship Status… married to an overweight and neurotic woman, Enid. Bob and Enid have one son, a gay drug dealer, who is the source of many headaches. Bob believes that some military service might do the boy some good: “Back in ‘Nam the choppers used to hover eight feet over my head and I’d jump in. You should have seen the look on Charlie’s face. Not the enemy, son. The pilot, Charlie-horse. Great guy. He didn’t make it back. Where’s the cake?”

Challenge… making it to retirement. Kelso hates his job, his co-workers and his patients – especially those who don’t have medical insurance. But for some reason he keeps hanging on.

Personality… cynical, mean, and often sadistic. Kelso rarely has a kind word for anyone, even his wife: “If I wanted to waste my breath, I would have given my wife CPR last night when she went into cardiac arrest.”