Andre Nowsick

Living... in Winnetka, Ill., in a large loft. Among other things, Andre's home has a bizarre collection of taxidermy nests, terrariums, and tsunami debris serving little to no purpose aside from demonstrating that Andre is truly a bizarre person.

Profession... plastic surgeon. Andre makes enough money to support his luxurious and carefree lifestyle, which gives him plenty of time to devote to fantasy football. He’s in a league with his friends Pete, Kevin, Ruxin, Jenny and Taco, and like the rest of them, he spends way too much time on it.

Interests... being "hip.” Andre tries extremely hard to come off as cool, wearing what he thinks are fashionable clothes (fedoras and the like) and using outdated slang (usually passé hip-hop jargon) that gives his friends firm ground to make fun of him. As he once says (completely sincerely), “Forgive me, but I think this hat's pretty pimpin'.”

Relationship Status... single and forever looking. Arguably his most successful relationship was with Shiva herself, the woman that the fantasy league’s championship trophy is named after. Dating Shiva seemed to bring Andre the good fortune he needed to actually win the league title, before everything predictably fell apart. In general, women don’t think Andre’s any cooler than his friends do. And they’re right.

Challenge... being the butt of his friends' jokes. As calm and collected as he tries to come off, Andre is hurt pretty easily and takes a lot of his friends' trash-talking to heart. But in fairness, he is extremely easy to pick on and does basically ask for it with his strange outfits and personality.

Personality... socially inept. He is incredibly naive, making him an easy target for manipulation, and tries so hard to fit in that he may as well be drenched in flop sweat. He really just wants to be accepted and be "one of the guys,” but as his friend Pete puts it: "You are so desperate for shared interests, you basically just adopt whatever hobbies the person you're with has." Unfortunately, "coolness" just doesn't come naturally to Andre, but forcing it hasn’t proven to be the best solution either.