Ali G

Grew up… on the supposedly “rough streets” of a quiet suburb in England called Staines. Life hasn’t always been easy for Alistair Leslie Graham, who had to face harassment from his peers at “da Matthew Arnold Skool” when he was a boy. Luckily, he grew up to be a “well-respekted geezer” on the West Side of Staines.

Living… in his Nan’s basement in the “Staines Ghetto.” During the day, he rolls with his crew, the “West Staines Massif.” Life in a quiet suburban town can be tough for a man who believes himself to face discrimination because of his imaginary Jamaican ancestry.

Profession… preaching “respek” to the youth of the nation. Ali hosts a show called Da Ali G Show, in which he interviews public figures and celebrities who rarely know what to make of him. Ali G tries his best to educate his viewers on all kinds of current events, but mostly to spread his version of tolerance: “So if this show teach you anything, it should teach you how to respek everyone: animals, children, b****es, spazmos, mingers, lezzers, fatty boombahs, and even gaylords.”

Interests… smoking weed. Lots of it.

Relationship Status… single, but he’s got his main woman, Julie, waiting for him whenever he needs her. (Though “Julie” might just be his generic name for a girlfriend; it’s never entirely clear.) For the most part, Ali G prefers casual flings to something more serious. “Easy now,” he says. “If you ain’t careful, sex can lead to some terrible things: herpes, squat rot, or even worse, something called a relationship.”

Challenge… being understood by his polite interviewees. Ali G prefers to speak with leaders in the international community and experts in many different fields, but it’s not always clear that they’re both speaking the same language. Ali’s blend of Jamaican Patois and British slang tends to confuse his interlocutors. Is it possible it’s all just an elaborate put-on?

Personality… silly, sexist and slow. All of the weed Ali G has smoked hasn’t done his brain any favors. Take the time he was high and he sold his car for like 24 chicken McNuggets.